Life with Father (1947) Elizabeth Taylor, William Powell | Comedy, Family | Subtitled

Well, these are certainlythe cleanest steps on Madison Avenue. That's how Mr. Day wants them kept. – Good morning.- Good morning. – You're new here, aren't you?- Just this mornin'. This is the way Mr. Daygets his milk. Giddap. Annie, be careful of this dish.You could burn your hands. And keep the cover ontill you're ready to serve them.

– Mr. Day likes his muffins hot.- I'll do that. Annie, is the table setfor breakfast? 'Yes, ma'am.' Good mornin', ma'am. Good morning, Annie.How are you getting along? Alright, ma'am, I hope. Now don't be nervous justbecause this is your first day. Everything'sgoing to be alright. But I do hopenothing goes wrong.

Oh, no, Annie. The creamand sugar go down at this end. Oh, I thoughtin the center, ma'am everyone could reach them easy. – Mr. Day sits here.- Oh, excuse me. I didn't know where to placethe napkins, ma'am. You can tell by the rings.The boys have their initials. C for Clarence. He sits here. J for John, here. W for Whitney. He sitsover there next to his father.

And the onewith a little dog on it is Harlan's, of course. He's the baby. This narrow plain one is mine and this is Mr. Day's. It's just like mine except thatit got bent…one morning. That reminds me, Annie. Always have Mr. Day's coffeepiping hot. And whenever Mr. Day speaksto you, just say yes sir.

Don't be nervous.You'll get used to him. Yes, ma'am. Oh, that beautiful rubber plant. I'm so glad it came. You mustn't water it every day. Too much moisturemakes it very unhappy. Oh, good morning, mother. I thoughtyou were still upstairs. 'Good morning, Clarence.'.

Father must be talkingto himself. A redhead. – Did you sleep well, mother?- Yes, thank you, dear. Golly, I'm hungry. Oh, and, Annie, we always startwith fruit in the morning. Except the two younger boys whohave their porridge and milk. 'Jiminy, another wreckon the New Haven.' That always disturbsthe stock market. Father won't like that.

I do wish the New Havenwould stop having wrecks. If they knewhow it upsets your father. My soul and body! Clarence,what's happened to your coat? Oh, it ripped open again. Margaret mended it for me but it wouldn't stay mended. Oh, dear,I'll just have to speak to your fatherabout a new suit of clothes. Clarence, why did you take.

My H2SO4out of our clothes closet? 'I've told you a hundred times' 'that closet'snot to make experiments in.' Two? Good morning, mother. John, have you been makingthose chemical smells again? No, mother,I'm making an electric battery. It will ring a belland everything. You know your fatherdoesn't like electricity.

But, mother, everything'sgoing to be electricity. – Not in this house.- 'Oh, God!' What's the matter, Clare?What's wrong? – 'Where's my necktie?'- Which necktie? 'The one I gave you yesterday.' It isn't pressed yet.I forgot to give it to Margaret. 'I told you distinctly I wantedto wear that necktie today.' You've got plenty of neckties. Put on another one right awayand come down to breakfast.

'I don't knowwhat this world's coming to.' Mother,may I have my breakfast early? I'm going to play baseball. Three? Whitney,before you leave the house you have to studyyour catechism. But, mother, they're goingto let me pitch today. Good morning. – Who won?- The Giants, 7 to 3.

– Buck Ewing hit a home run.- Let me see. Boys, don't wrinkle the paperbefore your father sees it. Mother, could you ask memy catechism now? – I think I know it.- Well, let's see. – Ah, what is your name?- Whitney Benjamin. – Who gave you your— 'Here I come!' Come and help me down, mother. There are steps to come down on. – Good morning, darling.- Good morning, mother.

– How's your finger?- It itches. Good. That's a signit's getting better. Come along. Four! Let's see. What was I doing? Oh, yes, the catechism. Who gave you your name? My sponsors at baptism wherein I was made a memberof Christ.

The child of God and an inheritorof the kingdom of heaven. Mother,if I hadn't been baptized wouldn't I have any name? Not in the sight of the church. What did your sponsorsthen for you? They did promise and vowthree things in my name. First, that I should renouncethe devil and all of his.. 'And secondly..'.

'…secondly, that I believe' 'all the articlesof the Christian faith.' And thirdly, that I should keep God's holy will and commandments 'and walk in the sameall the days of my–' Morning, boys. Morning. – Good morning, father.- Good morning, father. Morning, Vinnie.Had a good night? – Yes, thank you, Clare.- Good.

Sit down, boys. What's that thing doing in here? Clare,that's our new rubber plant. Place for rubber plantsis on the equator. Uh, take that object out,Catherine. – You're not Catherine.- No, sir. Good.Never liked Catherine, anyway. Put it somewhere else, Annie,but not too near a window. Yes, ma'am.

Sit down, Harlan. Thank you, dear. Where did that dog come from? She'll leave, mother.I'll talk to her. What did you say? Oh, Clare,that new suit looks very nice. You've put on a little weight,dear. I weigh just the sameas I always have. Well, Clarence has justmanaged to ruin.

The only decent suit he has. I'm sorry, but I'm afraid he'llneed a new suit of clothes. Vinnie, Clarence has to learn not to be so hardon his clothes. But, father, I thought– You're starting Yalein the fall. You'll be completely outfitted. But nothing this summer. Can I have one of your old suitscut down for me?.

Every suit I ownstill has plenty of wear in it. I wear my clothesuntil they're worn out. Well, if you wantyour clothes worn out Clarence can wear them outmuch faster than you can. Yes, and, father, you never geta chance to wear yours out. Every timeyou get a new batch of clothes mother sends the old onesto the missionary barrel. I guess I'm just as goodas any old missionary. Clarence, before you compareyourself to a missionary.

'remember the sacrificesthey make.' Oh, I don't know, Vinnie. I think my clotheswould look better on Clarence than on some Hottentot. Have that, uh, dark suit of minecut down to fit you. Well, thank you, father. One of father's suits.Thank you, sir. In return for that, Clarence I want you to practicemore often on your violin.

Whitney, don't eat so fast. Well, father,I'm going to pitch today. But before I go,I have to study my catechism. What do you botherwith that for? Because if he doesn't knowhis catechism he can't be confirmed. But, Vinnie,Whitney's going to pitch today. He can be confirmedany old time. Clare, sometimesit seems to me you don't care.

Whether your childrenget to heaven or not. Oh, Whitney will get to heavenalright. I'll be there before you are,Whitney. I'll see that you get in. And, Whitney,when we get to heaven we'll organize a baseball teamof our own. – Good.- Hmm. Be just like you to tryand run things up there. Well, from all I've heardabout heaven.

It seems to be a prettyunbusiness-like place. They could probably usea good man like me. What makes you so surethey'll let you in to heaven? Well, if they don't,I'll certainly raise a devil of a row. Clare, I do hope you'll behavewhen you get to heaven. Now, Vinnie, what.. Vinnie, how many times have Iasked you not to engage a maid who doesn't knowhow to serve properly?.

Clare, can't you seeshe's new and doing her best? How can I serve myselfwhen she's holding that platter over my head? – Hold it lower, Annie.- Yes, ma'am. What became of the onewe had yesterday? I don't knowwhy you can't keep a maid. Oh, you don't! Why on earthcan't you run your house the way I run my office?.

All I want is service. What the devil's that noise? – It's Annie.- Annie? Who's Annie? The maid. I'll take it, Annie. Clare,aren't you ashamed of yourself? What have I done now? You made her cry,speaking to her the way you did. I never said a word to her.

I was addressing myself to you. I do wish you'd be more careful. It's hard enough to keep a maid and the uniformjust fit this one. 'What's the matter, Clare?What's wrong?' What in the name of.. Well, where did you come from? – Who do you belong to?- She's mine, father. Her name is Princess.

Hmm, looks morelike a prince to me. – Margaret, this bacon's good.- Oh. – Well, it's good.- Yes, sir. Harlan, how's that finger? 'Come here, let me see it.' Yes, father. Ah, yes,that's healing nicely. I guess you'll knowthe next time that cats don't liketo be hugged.

It's alright to stroke them,but don't squeeze them. Now go backand finish your oatmeal. I don't like oatmeal. Go on and finish it.It's good for you. But I don't like it. I'll tell you what you likeand what you don't like. You're not old enoughto know about such things. You've no businessnot to like oatmeal. – It's good.- I hate it!.

That's enough!We won't discuss it. Eat that oatmeal at once! Ugh. John, that letter'sfor your mother. I finished my oatmeal, father.May I be excused? Yes, Whitney, you may go.Pitch a good game. I will. Whitney. Yes, mother, my catechism.

Never mind this morning,darling. Run along. Thank you, mother. Margaret, what is this? – Coffee, sir.- It is not coffee. You couldn't possibly takewater and coffee beans and arrive at that.It's slops. That's what it is. Slops! Take it away. I come down to this tableevery morning hungry– 'Well, if you're hungry, Clare'.

'why aren't you eatingyour breakfast?' I am. Aunt Judith wants meto come up and visit her. Now, Vinnie, I want no morerelatives in this house. We're going to live hereby ourselves in peace and comfort. Clare, I was saying Aunt Judithwants me to visit her. – Oh.- Eat your oatmeal, dear. What on earth is this?.

“Dear friend Day,we are assigning you “the exclusive rightsto Staten Island for sellingthe Gem Home Popover Popcorn.” I think that's for me, father. But then why isn't itaddressed to Clarence Day, Jr.? Oh, it is. I wouldn't get mixed upin popcorn, Clarence. It's too indigestible. Confound it!Another wreck on the New Haven.

If you please, ma'am,there's a dollar due on a package.It's from Lewis & Congers. 'Oh, yes, those kitchen knivesI ordered.' Ah, make a memorandum of that,Vinnie. One dollarand whatever it was for. Of course, Clare. I must have a recordof what is spent running this house. I've never understoodwhat good a record is.

After the money's gone. There's just a dollar, Margaret. Vinnie, this house must be runon a business basis. That's whatthe household accounts are for. Oh, Clare, it's half past 8:00. 'You don't wanna be lateat the office.' Plenty of time. – Annie, clear the table now.- Yes, ma'am, I'll do that. – Clarence, John.- Yes, mother?.

You boys go upand move the small bureau from my room into yours. – Who's coming?- Cousin Cora. And she's bringing a friendwith her. – A young girl.- A girl! You'll have to helpentertain her, Clarence. Oh, mother, do I have to? Wait till father finds outwe've got visitors. There'll be a rumpus.

John, don't criticizeyour father. He's very hospitableafter he gets used to the idea. – I like coffee. I like tea.- Tsk, tsk. I like the girlsand the girls like me. Well, I don't like girlsand they don't like me. – 'Oh, God!'- Go on, boys. Go on. What's the matter, Clare?What's wrong? How did that get in this room? Now, Clare,how was the new maid to know?.

Keep that abominationout of here. Alright, I'll take it. Oh, Clare dear, I'm afraid I'm going to needsome more money. You were complainingabout the coffee this morning. Well, that nice French dripcoffee pot is broken and you know how it got broken. Never mind that, Vinnie. As I remember that coffee potcost $5 and, uh, something.

I'll give you $6. Uh, when you get it, Vinnie enter the exact amountin the ledger. Of course, Clare. We can't go on month after month having the household accountsin such a mess. No, and I thought of a system that will make my bookkeepingperfect. Well, I'm certainly relievedto hear that.

All we have to do is opencharge accounts everywhere and the stores will domy bookkeeping for me. Now wait a minute, Vinnie– Then when the bills come in you'd know exactlywhere your money had gone. Yes, I certainly would. Vinnie,we get enough bills as it is. Clare dear, don't you hatethose arguments we have every month?.

I certainly do. Not to have those,I should think would be worth something to you. Well, I'll open an accountat Lewis & Congers and, uh, one at McCreery'sto start with. – Thank you, Clare.- We'll see how it works out. Thank you. Oh, the rector'scoming to tea today. The rector.Well, I'm glad you warned me.

I'll go to the club. Don't expect me homeuntil dinnertime. Clare dear,I do wish you'd take a little more interestin the church. Getting me into heavenis your business, Vinnie. If there's anything wrongwith my ticket when I get there you can fix it up. Everybody loves you so much.I'm sure God must too. I'll do my best, Clare.

It wouldn't be heavenwithout you. If you're there, Vinnie,I'll manage to get in some way even if I have to climbthe fence. Margaret. Margaret. 'Oh, God!' What's the matter, Clare?What's wrong? Why did God make so manydumb fools and Democrats? Ah, politics. Yes, but it's taking the breadout of our mouths!.

Honest Hugh Grant. Honest, bah! Fine mayoryou've turned out to be. If you can't run this citywithout raising taxes every five minutes,you'd better get out. Let someone who can. Richard Cookis running in this town and you're just his cat's paw! Tell me this,are these increased taxes.

Going into public improvements or are they going into graft? Answer me that honestlyif you can Mr. Honest Hugh Grant. You can't? I thought so. Bah! – Don't order dinner..- 'You were elected to office..' '…on the promisethat you would put an end' 'to all this thieveryand corruption.'.

'Have you put an end to it?No. You've encouraged it.' 'Every day there's some new raidon the public treasury.' – If you don't stop..- Father, if you don't mind.. …of New York,we're going to throw you and your boodle boardof aldermen out of office. I'm warning youfor the last time. Robbery. That's what it is.Highway robbery! – Annie. Annie.- What is it? Take this fresh cup of coffeein to Mr. Day.

But Mr. Day's got a visitor. '…are not going to toleratethese..' Nonsense. Run along in there. We pay you a good round sumto watch after our interests and all we get is inefficiency. I know you're a nincompoop and I strongly suspect youof being a scalawag. You're not going to escapeyour legal responsibilities. Legal responsibilities?.

By God, I meancriminal responsibilities! Don't think for one minutewe're going to let you escape. We're going to throw youinto jail! – Annie, are you hurt?- He can't throw me into jail! Vinnie? Vinnie, why can't I havequiet here in the morning? Clare, what happened? Uh, sounded to meas though that maid dropped a whole tray of dishes.

Yes,but what did you say to her? Say to her? I haven't seen hersince breakfast. – I better get to the office.- Oh, yes, Clare. You don't want to be late. I'll be home in plenty of timefor dinner. Why don't we havechicken fricassee tonight? Well, Clare, chicken's gone up.It's 8 cents a pound. Where the devil's she goingdressed up like that? Clare, you've done it again.How could you?.

– How could I what?- Can't you see she's leaving? Oh, dear. I have no timeto engage a new maid. – We'll have to have dinner out.- Dinner out. Nonsense. – I'll engage a new maid myself.- Clare, you can't. – She has to fit the uniform.- I'll have one here in an hour. – 'Goodbye, dear.'- 'Goodbye, Clare.' Good morning, Mr. Day.On your way to the office? – Yes.. Good morning.- Mrs. Day. – Good morning, Mr. Day.- Morning, Jim.

Giddap! Giddap. Cora, it's wonderful to see you. Oh, thank you. Oh, Vinnie,I declare you're getting younger and prettier every year. – Oh, this is Mary Skinner.- Ed Skinner's daughter. My goodness,I never would have known you. Just leave your things out hereand come right on in.

I heard my father talk so muchabout you, Mrs. Day. Oh, did he tell youhow he used to dip my pigtails in the inkwell at school? What's the newsin Pleasantville, Cora? Oh, Vinnie,I have so much to tell you. We wrote youthat Aunt Carrie broke her hip. That was the nightthat Robert Ingersoll lectured. Of course, she couldn't getthere, but it was a good thing for Mr. Ingersoll she didn't.

'How do you do, Cousin Cora?' Oh, Clarence, my, my. No, no, Cora, this is John. John! Why, how you've grown. You'll be a manbefore your mother. 'John, this is Mary Skinner.' – How do you do?- How do you do? Vinnie, everybody inPleasantville sends their love. Grandpa Evans, Cousin Edith,Aunt Hattie, the Taylors.

– Oh, just everybody.- Cora, how is Grandpa Evans? Oh, he hasn't been at all well. You know, he only has one kidneyand that's bloating. How do you do, Cousin Cora?I'm glad to see you. This can't be Clarence. – Yes, it is.- My, my. My goodness,every time I see you boys you've grown another foot. Let's see, you're goingto St. Paul's now, aren't you?.

St. Paul's? I was throughwith St. Paul's long ago. I'm starting in Yale this fall. Yale! Oh, uh, oh, Mary,this is Clarence. – Mary Skinner.- How do you do? Oh, this is Mary'sfirst trip to New York. Yes, it is.It's her first trip. We'll have to show Mary around. Oh, I'll tell you,I'll ask Mr. Day.

To take us all to Delmonico'sfor dinner tonight. – Delmonico's!- Think of that, Mary. Delmonico's! And Cousin Clare'ssuch a wonderful host. Well, I know you girls wantto freshen up, so come upstairs. Clarence, get their bags. I've given you girlsClarence's room but he didn't know about ituntil this morning. – I don't want you to give..- He hasn't moved his things..

John, get their old bags. Oh, you play the violin. Well, I, I fool with ita little. You're just being modest. No, really, I.. I play the piano. Not awfully well, but.. Now you're being modest. Do you ever play duets?.

Well, I haven't up to now. Neither have I…up to now. Cora didn't tell me about you. I never met a Yale man before. What's happened to you? Nothing. I feel fine. Where do you keep 'em? Do you wish a domestic servant? Where do you keep them?.

I will take your nameand address. Confound it.I'm late at the office now. If you will give me the details as to what kind of personyou require. I'm asking youwhere you keep them? Why, the girls are in there but clients are not allowedin that room. If you will tell methe kind of a position you wish to have held,I'll be very glad to..

You stand up, please. Sir, this is quiteagainst the rules. I must knowwhat you want the girl for. I'll take that one.What's your name? Hilda, sir. Hilda, you go right overto 420 Madison Avenue. – I will, sir.- That's all. Thank you. Sir, before I can let any girlgo from this establishment I must know the characterof the home.

In which she will be employed. Madam,I am the character of my home. Oh. My duty toward my neighboris to love him as myself and to do unto all men as, as.. As they should do unto me. As they should do unto meto, to.. He really knows it. Well, he's done very wellfor so young a boy.

– May I go now?- Yes, darling. – Thank you, Dr. Lloyd.- Not at all. Come on, Harlan. Wait for me. Ah, you and Mr. Day must bevery proud of your children. I was hoping I'd find Mr. Dayat home this afternoon. Well, he-he's usually homefrom the office by this time. Hmm. Perhaps he's gonefor a gallop in the park. It's such a fine day.

He's very fondof horseback riding, I believe. Oh, yes. Tell me, has he ever been thrown from a horse? Oh, no,no horse would throw Mr. Day. I just thought he mighthave had some accident. I noticehe never kneels in church. Oh, that's no accident. Uh, but I don't want youto think he doesn't pray.

He does. Why, sometimes you can hear him all over the house. But he never kneels. Ah, perhaps that's Mr. Day now. Oh, I hardly think so. Oh, the devil. I forgot. Clare,you're just in time for tea. – I'll send for some hot water.- How are you, Dr. Lloyd?.

'It's a great pleasure to havea visit with you, Mr. Day.' – Mother, are they back yet?- No, Clarence, no. 'Except for a brief glimpseon the Sabbath' I don't see much of you. Well, Clare, did you havea busy day at the office? – Devilishly busy.- Clare. Uh, a very busy day. Tired out. How a man can get tired just sitting at a desk all day,I don't know.

I suppose Wall Streetis just as much a mystery to you as it is to me, Dr. Lloyd. No, no.It's all very clear to me. My mind often goesto the businessman. The picture I'm most fond onis when I envision him at the close of the day's work. I see him pausing in his toiland it comes over him that all those figuresof profit and loss are without importanceor consequence.

Vanity and dust. – Well, I'll be— Clare. – Yes, ma'am?- 'Delia, some more hot water.' – Yes, ma'am.- Who's that? The new maid. Where's the one I sentthis morning? The uniform didn't fit. Hmm. I like the oneI picked out better. Uh, Clare,Dr. Lloyd wants to tell us.

About the plansfor the new edifice. – The new what?- The new church. You knew we were planningto build a new church. Of course, we're going to haveto raise a large sum of money. Hmm. Well, personally,I am against the church hop, skipping and jumpingall over the town. So any contribution I makewill have to be a small one. The amounteveryone is to subscribe has already been decided.

Who decided it? After considerable thought we votedthat our supporting members should each contribute a sumequal to the cost of their pew. I paid $5000 for my pew. Yes, Clare. That makesour contribution $5000. That's robbery. Do you know what that pewis worth today? $3000. That's whatthe last one sold for.

I've taken a dead loss of $2000on that pew already. Frank Bags sold me that pewwhen the market was at its peak. He knew when to get out. And I'm warning you, Vinnie,if the market ever goes up I'm going to unload that pew. Clarence Day, how can you speakof the temple of the Lord as though it was something to bebought and sold on Wall Street? Now, Mrs. Day, your husbandis a practical man. We've had to be practicalabout the new church.

We have all the factsand figures. Oh. What's the property worthwhere we are now? Oh, let's see. Is it $40,000? I know the figurehas a four in it. What's the new piece of propertygoing to cost you? I think the figure I heardmentioned was $85,000. Or was it 185,000? Uh, Dr. Lloyd,you preach that someday we'll all have to answer to God.

We shall indeed. Well, I hope God doesn'task you any questions with figures in them. 'Mrs. Dayis in the living room.' 'Thank you.' – I-it's Cousin Cora.- Hmm? – She's passing through town.- Oh. Well. – Oh, hello.- Hello.

– Hello.- Thank you for helping me. Come, Mary. Oh, Vinnie, what a day. We've been in every shopin town. – Why, Cousin Clare.- 'Cora.' My, my. You're as welcomeas the flowers in May. – This is Mary Skinner. Mr. Day.- How do you do? I've been telling Maryall about you.

– She's been dying to meet you.- Well. Dr. Lloyd, I want you to meet my favorite cousin,Miss Cartwright. – How do you do?- And this is Mary Skinner. Miss Skinner, Dr. Lloyd. – How do you do?- How do you do? Well, this seems to bea family reunion. – I'll just run along.- Goodbye, Dr. Lloyd. Uh, goodbye, Miss Cartwright.

– Goodbye.- Goodbye, uh.. Oh, Clarence, you haven't said how do you do to Dr. Lloyd. Goodbye, Dr. Lloyd. – Oh.- Uh, goodbye, everybody. I'll go to the door with you,Dr. Lloyd. Thank you.Thank you so much for the tea. Those muffins were delicious. Who did you saythis pretty little girl is?.

She's Ed Skinner's daughter. This is Mary's first tripto New York. Oh, uh, sit down. Sit down. – Have some tea.- We had tea downtown. – Oh, uh, never mind then, uh..- Delia. Delia.Uh, sit down, sit down. Even if you have had tea, youcan stay and visit for a while. As a matter of fact, why don'tyou both stay to dinner? That's all arranged, Clare.

Cora and Mary are goingto have dinner with us. Fine, fine. Of course, you'll justhave to take potluck. – Well, I'd hardly call it— Clare. Did you know the girlsare going to visit Aunt Judith in Springfieldfor a whole month? Fine. Now how long are you goingto be in New York, Cora? – All week.- Splendid.

We'll hope to seesomething of you. Well, you certainly will– Cora, d-did you find anythingyou wanted in the shop? Oh, I can't wait to show you. Oh, but I'm afraidsome of these packages can't be openedin front of Cousin Clare. Shall I leave the room? Oh, Clarence, would you takethe package in the hall up to our room,or should I say your room?.

Wasn't it nice of Clarenceto give up his room to us for a whole week? Cora, come on, I just can't waitto see what's in those packages. Well, we'll be back soon. Uh, uh, Vinnie, I wish to speakto you before you go upstairs. I'll be down in just a minute,Clare. I wish to speak to you now. I'll be up in just a minute,Cora. It's alright, Vinnie.Come along, Mary.

Are those two womenencamped in our house? – Now, Clare— Answer me, Vinnie. – Now, Clare, you know— Answer me! Just a minute. Clarence! Now, Clare, you knowyou've always been fond of Cora. What has that got to do with herpacking herself down in my house and bringing hordes of strangerswith her? How can you callthat sweet little girl a horde of strangers?.

Why don't they go to a hotel? New York is full of hotelsbuilt for the express purpose of housing such nuisances. Clare,two girls alone in a hotel. Why, who knowswhat might happen to them? Alright, then put themon the first train. They want to roam like gypsies? Lend them a hand.Keep them roaming! But, Clare, they're juststaying in that little room.

Of Clarence's. The trouble is,they don't stay there. They stay in the bathroom. Every timeI want to take my bath it's full of giggling femaleswashing their hair! I tell you, I won't have it.Send them to a hotel. I'll pay the bill gladly,but get them out of here. Father, I'm afraidthey can hear you upstairs. Then keep those doors closed.

Clarence, you open those doors. Open them all the way. Now, Clare, you be quietand behave yourself. They're here,and they're going to stay here. That's enough, Vinnie.I want no more of this argument. Hmm. Oh, chaa! What I don't understand iswhy this swarm of locusts always descends on uswithout any warning.

Oh, thunder! 'Vinnie, dear Vinnie.' Hmm. Father, may I go along with the rest of youto Delmonico's? What's that? Delmonico's? You're taking mother,Cousin Cora and Miss Skinner to Delmonico'sfor dinner tonight. Oh, God!.

I won't have it.I won't have it. I will not have my lifearranged for me. I bought this housefor my own comfort. I will not submit myselfto this indignity. – Now, Clare, what's the matter?- I won't stand it. By heaven, I won't stand it! Clarence. Do I understandthat I am not permitted to have dinner in my own home?.

Oh, Clare, a little changewill do you good. I have a home to have dinner in. And any timeI can't have dinner at home this house is for sale. Well, Clare, you can'thave dinner here tonight because it isn't ordered. And besides, Cora and Marywant to see something of New York. Well, that's no affair of mine.

I am not a guideto Chinatown and the Bowery. Oh, Mr. Day,I just love your house. I could live here forever. Cora's waiting for you,Mrs. Day. Oh, yes. I'll run right up. I'm, uh, glad you likeour house, Miss Skinner. I like it very much, Mr. Day. Praise from a strangeris approbation indeed. At home,our living room is green.

I like green. I like green too. Red's my favorite color. I-it's an interesting thingabout colors. Red's a nice colorin a house, too but outside too much redwould be bad. I mean, for instance,if all the trees and the grass were red. Outside, green's the best color.

That's right. I never thought of it that way. But when you do think of it,it's quite a thought. I bet you'll make your markat Yale. Oh. My motherwants me to go to college. Do you believein girls going to college? I guess it's alright ifthey wanna waste that much time before they get married,I mean.

I'm glad you're fond of music,Mr. Day. Oh, hello.Look, a new “Youth's Companion.” John enjoys”The Youth's Companion.” – John.- Oh. – Won't you sit down?- Oh. Oh, thank you. It tells all aboutconnecting batteries in series. John, Miss Skinner and Iwere talking. Oh, that's alright.You won't bother me.

Jiminy, there's whereI made my mistake. – I didn't mix enough— Shh! – Oh, don't stop.- Can you play that? I'm afraid not.Can you play “Sweet Genevieve?” – That's my favorite.- Not without my music. Hymns are nice, don't you think? I like this one. That's funny. The words are the same,but it's the wrong tune.

Oh, it can't be the wrong tune. We sing it exactly that wayin church. We don't sing it that wayin the Methodist church. – You see, we're Methodists.- 'Oh, that's too bad.' Oh, I-I don't mean it's too badthat you're a Methodist. Anybody's got a right to beanything they want. But what I mean is.. …we're Episcopalians. Yes, I know.

Anyway, the words are the same.Shall we begin? Now. – Oh, dear.- What's wrong? Shall we try again? – It must be my fault.- 'Oh, no, it's my fault.' No, you're the Episcopalian. I just remembered something. My father was an Episcopalian. He was baptized an Episcopalian.

He was an Episcopalianright up to the time he married my mother. – She was the Methodist.- Oh. Oh, well,let's try it again then. Well, Clarence,if you're going to Delmonico's with us,you'd better get dressed. Am I going too? Jiminy! Thank you, father. Be ready in just a minute,mother.

Vinnie, that young lady looksabout the same age you were when I came out to Pleasantvilleto rescue you. – Rescue me?- Mmm. You came out thereto talk me into marrying you. Well, it worked outjust the same. – French.- Oui. No cooking like the French. Clare, it was so nice of youto invite Cora and Mary heretheir first night.

Well, it's been a pleasure. Mr. Day, have you alwaysbeen an Episcopalian? I've always goneto the Episcopal Church, yes. But you weren't baptizeda Methodist or anything were you? You were baptizedan Episcopalian? Come to think of it,I don't believe I was ever baptized at all. Clare, that's not very funny.

Joking about a subjectlike that. I'm not joking. I remember now.I never was baptized. Clare, that's ridiculous.Everybody's baptized. Well, I'm not. No one would keep a little babyfrom being baptized. Well, you knowfather and mother. Free thinkers, both of them. They thoughttheir children should decide.

Those things for themselves. But, Clare– I remember when I was, uh ten or twelve years old mother said I ought to givesome thought to it, but, uh 'I never got aroundto having it done to me.' Clare, do you knowwhat you're saying? Yes, I'm sayingI've never been baptized. Then something's got to be doneabout it right away.

Now, Vinnie, don't getexcited over nothing. Why haven't you ever told me? Well, what differencedoes it make? I have never heard of anyonewho wasn't baptized. Even the savagesin darkest Africa. Well, it's alrightfor savages and children. But if an oversightwas made in my case it's too late to correct it now. Well, if you're not baptized,you're not a Christian.

Why, confound it,of course, I'm a Christian. A mighty good Christian too. A lot better Christian thanthose psalm singers in church. But you can't beif you won't be baptized. I won't be baptizedand I will be a Christian. I'll be a Christianin my own way. Clare, don't you wantto meet us all in heaven? 'Of course, and I'm going to.' 'But you can't go to heaven'.

'if you're not baptized.' 'Oh, that's a lot of folderol.' Clarence Day,don't you blaspheme like that. You're coming to church with mebefore you go to the office in the morningand be baptized then and there. Vinnie, don't be ridiculous. If you think I'm goingto stand there and let Dr. Lloyd splash water on me at my age,you're mistaken. Now I'm sleepy.Goodnight, Vinnie.

Mother, what is folderol? Get back to sleep. – Mother?- Yes, Whitney. If father hasn't been baptized he hasn't any name. In the sight of the church,he hasn't any name. That's right. Maybe we're not even married. We, Thine unworthy servants.

Do give Theemost humble and hearty thanks for all Thy goodnessand loving kindness to us and to all men. We bless Theefor our creation, preservation and all the blessingsof this life. 'But above all,for Thine inestimable love' 'in the redemption of the worldby our Lord Jesus Christ' 'for the means of grace,for the hope of glory.' 'And we beseech Thee'.

'give us that due senseof all Thy mercies' 'that our heartsmay be unfeignedly..' Harlan, tell Clarence to kneel. Whitney, tell Clarence to kneel. John, tell Clarence to kneel. Mother says kneel. He says he can't. He says he can't. He says he can't.

'…world without end.' 'Amen.' Amen. The graceof our Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the Fellowshipof the Holy Ghost be with us all evermore. – 'Amen.'- Amen. And so, my friends.

What comfort and securityit gives us when we have reachedthe age of understanding 'to knowthat the rite of baptism' has not been neglectedin our infancy or youth. Can you imagine any man who has reached maturity with the knowledgethat he had never been baptized failing to hastento the holy font that his soul might be saved?.

'As it saysin the baptismal office' '”Except a man be born of waterand of the spirit' 'he cannot enterinto the kingdom of God.”' '”He that believeth' “and is baptizedshall be saved but he that believeth notshall be damned.” What's that fellow up to?He can't be.. 'Which also showeth usthe great benefit we reap..' Tell father shh.

Tell father shh. Tell father shh. Tell father shh. Mother says shh. '”For the promise is to you' '”and to your children.' '”Doubt ye not therefore' but earnestly believe.” In the name of the fatherand of the Son.

And of the Holy Ghost. Amen. Amen. This isWilliam Tyler Wickersham. And this isWilhelmina Eugenia Wickersham. 'What a lovely dayfor them to be baptized.' 'The happiest day in my life.' – Lovely sermon.- Thank you, Mrs. Day. Clare, you know I didn't askDr. Lloyd to do that. You must have said something.

Well, I had to find out from him if we were really married. I am marriedand I'm not baptized. And as far as I'm concerned the whole congregationcan know it. – They certainly know it now.- That suits me. I don't go to churchto be preached at as though I weresome lost sheep. Clare, you don't seemto understand.

What the church is for. Vinnie, if there's one placethe church should leave alone it's a man's soul. Well, he's going to be baptized,Cora, you mark my word. I just couldn't go to heavenwithout Clare. Why, I get lonesome for himeven when I go to Ohio. It's awfully hard on a woman tolove a man like Clare so much. Oh, men are so aggravating. They take everythingfor granted.

They certainly do. You know, I don't believeClare's come right out and told me he loves mesince we've been married. Of course, I know he does because I keep reminding himof it. You have to keepreminding them, Cora. 'Vinnie, the table isn't setfor dinner yet.' I'll be back in a minute, Cora. We're having it after Coraand Mary go to the train.

Their cab is comingat 1 o'clock. 'Cab? The horse carsgo right past the door.' But, Clare,they have those heavy bags. Cabs are a waste of money. Well, if dinner's goingto be delayed I'll work on this month's bills.Where are they? Now, Clare, it isn't fair to goover the household accounts when you're hungry. Vinnie, where are those bills?.

They're in the libraryon your desk. Hmm. I didn't knowdinner was going to be late. No one ever tells meanything in this house. Back home I ride all the time.I love horses. The horse is my favorite animal. Well, goodness,where have you two been? Clarence wanted to show mehis grandfather's house. You will have to hurryand finish your packing.

– It won't take me long.- Can I help you pack? Clarence. Clarence.. …why didn't you kneelin church today? I, I just couldn't. If it's becauseyour father doesn't kneel you must remember he wasn'tbrought up to kneel in church. But you were. Has it anything to do with Mary?.

– I know she's a Methodist.- Oh, no, mother. Methodists kneel.Mary told me. They don't get up and downso much but they stay down longer. Clarence, you want to kneel,don't you? Oh, yes.I wanted to kneel today. I-I tried. You saw me try. But…I just couldn't. Well, is that suit of yourfather's too tight for you?.

– No, it's not too tight.- Well, what is it? Mother, very peculiar thingshave happened to me since I started to wearthis suit. I can't seemto make these clothes do anything father wouldn't do. Oh, that's nonsense, Clarence. And not to kneel in churchis a sacrilege. Making father's trousers kneelseemed more of a sacrilege. Clarence.

Do you know what happenedat Dura Wakefield's party for Mary last night? We were playing musical chairs and some girl sat downsuddenly right in my lap. Well, I jumped up so fast,she almost got hurt. She was sittingon father's trousers. Well, mother, I've gotto have a suit of my own. My soul and body. Well, you'll just have to talkto your father about it.

I'm sure if you approach himthe right way you know, tactfully, he'll see. Oh, excuse me. Gracious.It didn't take you very long. Well, I'll see aboutyour box lunch for the train. Remember, it's Sunday. I, I was hoping we could have a few minutes togetherbefore you left. Cora had so much to do.I wanted to get out of her way.

Well, didn't you wanna see me? I did want to tell you how muchI've enjoyed our…friendship. Oh, hello.Mother told us to sit in the living roomtill dinner's ready. – Not on the best sofa.- Hello. Hello. Have you ever been outon our porch? – Oh, yes.- Well, let me show it to you. It's awfully hard to grow upin a family with children.

My, I've never known a weekto pass so quickly. – Why, I..- Yes? – Why, I..- Yes? You're going to write me when you get to Springfield,aren't you? Of course,if you write me first. But you'll have somethingto write about. Your trip, and Aunt Judith and how things arein Springfield.

You write meas soon as you get there. Maybe I'll be too busy. Maybe I won't have time. Well, you find the time. Let's not have any nonsenseabout that. You'll write me first,and you'll do it right away the first day. How do you knowI'll take orders from you? Well, I'll show you.

– Give me your hand.- Why should I? Give me your hand, confound it! What do you want with my hand? I just wanted it. What are you thinking about? I was just thinking. About what? I was hopingyou'd write me first because that would meanyou liked me.

What's my writing firstgot to do with liking you? Oh, you do like me then? Of course, I do. I like you betterthan any girl I ever met. But you don't like mewell enough to write first? Well, I don't seehow one thing's got anything to dowith the other. But a girl can't write firstbecause.. …because she's a girl.

Well, that's nonsense. If a girlhas something to write about and a fellow hasn't,there's no reason why she shouldn't write first. You know,the first three days I was here you'd do anything for me. And then you changed. You used to be a lot of fun. Then all of a sudden, you turnedinto an old sobersides. Why, why, you even dresslike an old sobersides.

What's the matter? I just happenedto remember something. What? Oh, I know. It's becausethis is the last time we'll be together. Mary, please. But, Clarence,we'll see each other in a month when I come back.

Oh, Clarence,please write me first because that will show mehow much you like me. Please? I'll show youhow much I like you. – Get up. Get up!- Ah. Oh. Oh! Oh, Mary, don't do that. Please, don't do that! Now you'll think.

I'm just a boldand forward girl. Oh, no. No, it's not that. Was it because it's Sunday? No, it'd be the same any day. Oh! You just didn't want mesitting on your lap. Oh, it was nice of you to do it. It was nice of me so you told me to get up? You just couldn't bearto have me sit there.

Oh, and you needn't write mefirst. You needn't write meany letters at all. Because I'll tear them upwithout opening them. I never want to see you again. Oh, Mary. Mary, listen to me,Mary, please. Oh, Mary. Clarence. Yes, father? That young lady's crying.She's in tears.

What's the meaning of this? I'm sorry, father.It's all my fault. Nonsense. What's that girltrying to do to you? Oh, n-no, no, she wasn't. It was.. I, I.. Well, whatever the quarrelwas about, Clarence I'm glad you held your own. Father, I have to havea new suit of clothes! You've got to give methe money for it!.

Young man, do you realize thatyou're addressing your father? I'm sorry, father.I apologize. But you don't knowhow important this is to me. A new suit of clothesis so impor.. Oh, why should.. Clarence, has your needfor a new suit of clothes anything to dowith that young lady? Yes, father. Why, Clarence.

Oh. Why, this comesas quite a shock to me. What does, father? Well,you're being so…grownup. Still, I might have known. If you are going to collegethis fall.. Yes, you're at the agewhen you'll be meeting girls. Clarence, there are thingsabout women that I think you ought to know.

Sit down. Yes, I think it's better for youto hear this from me than to have to learn itfor yourself. Clarence.. …women aren't the angelsthat you think they are. Well, now first,let me explain this to you. You see, Clarence,we men have to run this world and it's not an easy job. It takes workand it takes thinking.

A man has to reason things out. Now you take a woman. A woman thinks.. No, I'm wrong right there. A woman doesn't think at all. She gets stirred up. And she gets stirred upover the most confounded things. Now I love my wifejust as much as any man but that doesn't meanthat I should stand.

For a lot of folderol. By God, I won't stand for it! Stand for what, father? That's the one thingI shall not submit myself to. Clarence, if a man thinksa certain thing is wrong he shouldn't do it. If he thinks it's right,he should do it. Now that has nothing to do with whether he loves his wifeor not.

– Who says it has, father?- They do. – Who, sir?- Women. They get stirred up and then they tryto get you stirred up too. But don't you let them do it,Clarence. Don't you let them do it. Now, if you can keep reasonand logic in the argument well, a man can hold his own,of course. But if they can switch you.

Pretty soon the argument's aboutwhether you love them or not. I swear,I don't know how they do it. But don't you let them,Clarence. Don't you let them. I see what you mean so far,father. If you don't watch yourself,love can make you do a lot of thingsyou don't wanna do. 'Exactly.' But if you do watch out.

And knowjust how to handle women.. Then you'll be alright. All a man has to do is be firm. You know how sometimes I haveto be firm with your mother. Yes, but, father,what can you do when they cry? Hmm. Well, uh,that's quite a question. You just have tomake them understand that what you're doingis for their good.

I see. Now, Clarence,you know all about women. – But, father.- Yes, Clarence? I thought you were goingto tell me about.. – About what?- About women. Clarence, there are some thingsgentlemen don't discuss. I've told youall you need to know. The thing for you to rememberis be firm. Mary,when you get to Springfield.

The very first thing you.. Oh, God! What's the matter, Clare?What's wrong? Sit down, Vinnie. Oh, Clare, Cora and Maryare leaving any moment now. Sit down. Vinnie,you know I like to live well and I want my familyto live well. But this house must be runon a business basis.

I must know how much moneyI'm spending and what for. For instance,if you recall, a week ago I gave you $6to buy a new coffee pot. Yes,because you broke the old one. You threw it right on the floor. I'm not talking about that.Now I find here among my– It was a pity to breakthat nice coffee pot, Clare. It was imported from France. And that little shophas stopped selling them.

They said the tariffwouldn't let them. And that's your faultbecause you're always voting to raise the tariff. The tariff protects America against cheap foreign labor.Now this bill– The tariff does nothingbut put up the prices and that's hard on everybodyespecially the farmer. Vinnie, I wish to heavenyou wouldn't talk about matters you don't know anything about.

I do, too, know about them.Miss Guelig says that every intelligent womanshould have some opinion– Who may I ask is Miss Guelig? She's the current events womanI told you about. And the tickets are a dollarevery Tuesday. Do you mean to tell me thata pack of idle-minded females pay a dollar apieceto hear another female gabble aboutthe events of the day? Listen to meif you want to know anything.

About the events of the day. But you get so excited, Clare. And besides, Miss Guelig saysthat our President whom you're always belittling,prays to God for guidance. Vinnie,what happened to that $6? What $6? I gave you $6to buy a new coffee pot. Now I find thatyou apparently got one at Lewis & Congersand charged it.

Here's their bill.”One coffee pot, $5.” So you owe me a dollar,and you can hand it right over. I'll do nothing of the kind. What did you do with that $6? Well, Clare,I can't tell you now, dear. Why didn't you ask meat the time? I give up. Oh, wait a minute. I spent $4.50for that new umbrella.

Now we're getting somewhere. One umbrella, $4.50. And that must have been the weekI paid Mrs. Tobin for two extra days' washing. – Mrs. Tobin.- That's $2 more. – Two dollars.- That makes, that makes up.. $6.50. And that's another 50 centsyou owe me. I don't owe you anything.

What you owe meis an explanation of where my money is gone. I do the best I canto keep down expenses. You know yourself, Cousin Phoebespends twice as much as we do. Don't talk to meabout your cousin Phoebe. Oh, you talk aboutyour own relatives enough. That's not fair, Vinnie. When I talk about my relatives,I criticize them. I can't even speakof Cousin Phoebe.

'You can speak of herall you want to.' 'But I won't have Cousin Phoebeor anyone else' 'dictating to mehow to run my house.' I didn't say a wordabout her dictating. 'Clare,you know she isn't that–' You said, you said.. I don't know what you said now. You never stick to the point. Now, we're going over thisaccount book item by item.

I find here a bill for $38. I don't knowwhat you expect of me. I tire myself outchasing up and down those stairs all day long trying to look afteryour comfort to bring up our children. I do the mendingand the marketing. Now you want me to bean expert bookkeeper too. Vinnie,I want to be reasonable, but..

Can't you understand? I'm doingall this for your own good. Oh. Well, I suppose I'll have togo ahead just paying the bills and hoping I've got enough moneyin the bank to meet them. But it's all very discouraging. I'll try to do better, Clare. Well, that's all I'm asking. Well, I'll, uh, make outthe checks and sign them. But, uh, ahem, maybe I haven'tany right to sign those checks.

Since in the sight of the Lord,I haven't any name. That's right. Clare, to make those checks good you'll have to be baptizedright away. Vinnie, the bank doesn't care whether I've been baptizedor not. Well, I care. And no matterwhat Dr. Lloyd said I'm not surewe're really married.

Vinnie, we have four children. If we're not married now,we never will be. Clare, Dr. Lloyd saidthis morning– Well, that's all, Vinnie. Uh, I think you better go tellWhitney to watch for the cab. Not before you give methat $1.50. – What $1.50?- That $1.50 you owe me. I don't owe you any $1.50. I gave you moneyto buy a coffee pot for me.

And somehow it turnedinto an umbrella for you. Why, Clarence Day,what kind of man are you? Quibbling about $1.50when your immortal soul is in danger. – And what's more, if you— Alright. Alright, alright. Hmm. Thank you, Clare. Now the accountsare all straight again.

What were you doing down there? I'm setting upthis new burglar alarm. I invented it myself. Have you got any moneyyou can lend me? No, you owe me 30 cents now. Well, I'll give youmy stamp collection and my pieceof John Wilkes Booth's finger. How much? Enough to geta new suit of clothes.

If you can wait a month tillI hear from the patent office in Washington, I may be rich. – Oh, I can't wait that long.- Maybe I could get it sooner. I'm going to lookinto something else tomorrow. “Wanted. An energetic young manto sell household necessity. Liberal commission.Apply 312..” John, let me have this job. Why should I give you my job?They're hard to get. But I've got to geta new suit of clothes.

Maybe I could get the jobfor both of us. I'll ask the man. – The cab's here, father.- Oh, t-thank you, Whitney. Uh, Vinnie, Cora,the cab's here! Uh, John, uh,go up and get their bags. Yes, sir. Here's the lunchfor the train, sir. Well, take it out to the cab. – Who's that one?- It's Ellen.

Delia left yesterday. I don't knowwhere your mother finds them. Now, Vinnie, don't you letClare worry about us. We have plenty of time. Oh, take the bags right on out,John. – Yes, sir.- Well, goodbye, Clarence. It was so nice to see you again. Goodbye, Cousin Cora. Goodbye, Whitney.Now you be a good boy.

– Goodbye, Cousin Cora.- Goodbye, Harlan. Goodbye.Keep out of mischief. Come along, everybody.Don't keep the cab waiting. Cabs cost money. If there's one thingMr. Day can't stand it's to keep a cab waiting. If there's any waiting to do,there's a waiting room at the Grand Central Depotjust for that. Mary..

…aren't you even goingto shake hands with me? I don't think I'd better. You may remember thatwhen I get too close to you you feel contaminated. Mary, you're going to writeto me, aren't you? – Are you going to write first?- No, Mary. There are timeswhen a man must be firm. Mary, mother saysyou better hurry out before father starts yelling.

It's Sunday. Goodbye, John. I'm very happyto have made your acquaintance. Thank you. – May I help you?- No, thank you. Take care of yourself. – Goodbye, Mr. Day.- Goodbye, Mary. Bye, Mrs. Day.I've had a wonderful time. – Goodbye, Mary.- Thank you.

– 'Bye-bye.'- 'Goodbye.' – 'Goodbye, Cousin Clare.'- Goodbye, Cora. – Goodbye, Cora.- 'Bye.' – Bye, Cousin Cora.- Bye. – Bye!- Bye! Dear Mary.. “My duty toward my neighbor “is to love him as myself “and to do to all men.

As I wouldthey should do unto me.” Has fathergone to the office yet? Come on,let's go to the ball field. I've got to guard this boxtill John comes back. It's his burglar alarm. It wouldn't work so he fixed it. We're going to put it backin the dining room after father goes to the office. Are there burglars around?.

– Everywhere.- Oh. “To love, honor, and succormy father and my mother–” Why do you have to learn that? Because if I don't,I'll go to hell. – Father's going to hell.- He is not! Yes, he is,because he isn't baptized. He'll go to hell and burnfor a thousand years. He won't! He won't!.

He'll be in a lakeof fire and brimstone and a thousand devilswith pitchforks will be poking at him. – No! Mother, don't let— Shh. – Father will hear you!- No, I don't.. 'Don't smother me!' What's that noise? – Just singing, father.- 'You boys, be quiet.' You know your motherisn't feeling well.

'Yes, father.' What did your mother say? She says she doesn't wantany breakfast. Oh, why does your motherdo that to me? She knows it just upsets my day when she doesn't come downto breakfast. – A special delivery, sir.- Thank you. – Thank you.- Where's John this morning? Well, John had his breakfastearly, father.

And went outto see about something. See about what? Well, John and I thought we'd work this summerand earn some money. Good. Work never hurt anyone.It's good for them. But if you're going to work,work hard. King Solomon had the right ideaabout work. “Whatever thy handfindeth to do,” Solomon said “do thy doggonedest.”.

Hmm. Well, I don't understand thisat all. Here's a letter from some womanI never even heard of. – Oh, father.- Oh, God! What is it, father? This woman claimsthat she sat on my lap and that I didn't like it. Huh. What's that word?.

No, that one down there. It looks like curiosity. Oh. “I only opened your letter as a matter of curiosity.” – Hmph.- Yes, go on. Why, this gets worse and worse. It just turns into a lotof sentimental lovey-dovey mush. Chaa! Huh.

If this is someone's ideaof a practical joke.. What's the matter, Clare?What's wrong? Nothing wrong.Just a fool letter. – How are you feeling, Vinnie?- I thought you needed me. If you don't,I'll go back to bed. On, no, no, no.Uh, come sit down and, uh, get some food in you. Do you good.Build up your strength. Yeah, here. Sit down. Sit down.

Here, uh.. – What's this one's name?- Nora. Nora, uh, get Mrs. Daysome bacon and eggs. 'No, Nora.' 'Bring me a cup of teaup to my room.' Yes, ma'am. Oh, Vinnie, it's just weak to give in to an ailment. I noticewhen you have a headache.

You yell and groanand swear enough. Well, that's to proveto the headache that I am stronger than it is. I think I've caughtsome kind of germ. Some of my friends have hadto send for the doctor. A doctor? Oh, poppycock. But, Clare dear,when people are ill you have to do something. Certainly,you have to do something.

Cheer them up.That's the way to cure them. How would you go aboutcheering them up? I? Why, I'd tell them bah! Well, what have I done now? Oh. Oh, Clare, hush up. Vinnie,I didn't mean to upset you. “Dear Clarence..” I, I-I was justtrying to help you.

You know,w-when you take your bed I have a confoundedlonely time around here. So when I see yougetting it into your head that you're not feeling well I want to do something about it. Just because some of yourfriends have given into this there's no reason whyyou should imagine you're ill. Oh, Clare, stop. Get out of this houseand go to your office.

– Did you get the job?- Yes, for both of us. – Look, I've got it with me.- What is it? – Medicine.- Medicine? You took a job for usto go out and sell medicine? But it's wonderful medicine.Look what it cures. “A sovereign curefor colds, coughs, catarrh “asthma, quinsy,and sore throat “poor digestion,summer complaint, colic “dyspepsia, heartburn,and shortness of breath.

“lumbago, rheumatism,heart disease “giddiness,and women's complaints “nervous prostration,St. Vitus' dance “jaundice, la grippe,proud flesh pink eye, sea sickness,and pimples.” It's made from a secret formulaknown only to Dr. Bartlett. We get 25 cents commissionon every bottle we sell. And he's giving us the territoryof all Manhattan Island. Well, lots of father'sand mother's friends.

Have some of those diseases. Let's start outby calling on them. Yes. Oh. What if they ask usif we use it at our house? Oh, yes, it would be betterif we could say we did. Excuse me. Oh, i-is that the teafor Mrs. Day? – Yes.- Oh, I'll take it up to her. Oh, thank you.Right away now while it's hot.

What's the matter with mother? I don't know.She was just complaining. Say, it says here it's goodfor women's complaints. Here. 'Yes, sir, Chesapeake and Ohio,an eighth.' 'New York Central,three quarters.' 'I'd like to see Mr. Day about' 'those Morris & Essex bonds.' Mr. Day's very busythis morning.

You'll have to wait. – Where's father?- Well, Master Whitney. Have you cometo pay us a visit? Where's father? He's busy in his officewith a customer. Master Whitney! Mr. Day,the president of the firm is– Father, you have to come homeright away. What's the meaning of this?Who sent you down here?.

– Your mother?- No, sir. Mother's ill. She's terribly ill. Did the doctor send you for me? – No, sir. It was Margaret.- Margaret? Margaret saysyou're to come home right away and no nonsense. Uh, Perkins, go down and stopthe first cab you see. A cab, sir? For you, Mr. Day? Yes, I want a cab,and no nonsense!.

– Yes, sir.- Uh, I'm sorry, Mr. Hopkins. Confound you!Can't you go any faster? Alright, sir. Giddap! Giddap there, you hear me!Giddap! – Oh, doctor. How is Mrs. Day?- She's a pretty sick woman. Well, what's wrong with her? Well, do you know or don't you? What did Mrs. Day havefor breakfast this morning?.

Not a thing.I tried to get her to eat something,but she wouldn't. I can't understand it. Understand what? These violent attacks of nausea. It's almost as thoughshe were poisoned. – Poisoned?- Let me take your cab. I'll try not to be gone morethan ten to fifteen minutes. And, Mr. Day,you are not to go into her room.

You'd better get her well. Right awayor you'll hear from me. – Turn west on 27th Street.- Giddap. Giddap. – How is mother?- I don't know. Well, she better begood and sick or father may be mad at mefor getting him up here. Specially in a cab. – Has your father come?- Yes, just now. Where are you going, Margaret?.

I have to go for the minister. I guess the minister'scoming to baptize father so he won't have to go to hell. You can't be baptizedin a house. – You've got to have water.- We have lots of water. Not the right kind. Is mother better, father? How can I tell? She wouldn'tlet me in the room with her. These confounded doctorsnever know.

What's the matter with anybody. Father? Yes? Mother's going to get well,isn't she? Of course,she's going to get well. Father, may we come in? It's lonesome without mother. Yes, it is, Harlan.It's lonesome. Come in, boys.

What have you been doing,Harlan? Nothing.They won't let me upstairs. What about you, Whitney? I was supposed to learn the rest of my catechism. Will you hear me, father? Yes, Whitney, I'll hear you. Start here. “How many parts are therein a sacrament?”.

Two, the outward visible sign and the inward spiritual grace. “What is the outwardvisible sign or form in bap, baptism?” Water, wherein the personis baptized in the name of.. You haven't been baptized,have you, father? Whitney, what is the outwardvisible sign? Water, wherein the person.. '…wherein the person..'.

You don't know it well enough,Whitney. You'd better go and study itsome more. Do you want me to read to you,Harlan? Father, are they gonnaput you into hell? Whitney, take Harlan with you. Oh, what's the world coming to? Everybody's sending for doctors. Doctors don't do you any good. Only make you feel worse.

All poppycock. Who's ringing that bell? Stop that noise! Stop it, I say! What idiot's ringing that bell? Mr. Day, we must all be quiet. – Mrs. Day's very ill.- I know she's ill. Go up and seeif she needs anything. And what are you doingout of the house?.

I sent for the minister. – The minister?- He'll be right in. He's paying off the cab. I was deeply shocked to learnthe serious nature of Mrs. Day's illness.Will you take me up to her? She's resting now.She can't be disturbed. The doctor will be backin a minute. Tsk, tsk, tsk.Mrs. Day has been a tower of strengthin the parish.

Everyone liked her so much. Yes, she was a fine woman. I wish to heavenyou wouldn't talk about Mrs. Day as if she were dead. – Is the doctor back yet?- No, does she need him? Well, she's kind of restless. She's talking in her sleepand twisting and turning. Well, doctor, it seems to me that was a pretty longten minutes.

See here, Mr. Day.if I'm to handle this case– How can you handle itif you're out of the house? Who is this? – It's Dr. Somers.- How do you do? I felt that Mrs. Day's condition warranted my gettingDr. Somers here as soon as possiblefor consultation. I hope that meetswith your approval? Why, yes, of course.

– Anything that can be done.- Upstairs, doctor. Pardon me. Mrs. Day is in good hands now,Mr. Day. There's nothing you and Ican do at the moment to help. – Dr. Lloyd?- Yes? There's something that'stroubling Mrs. Day's mind. Oh? I think you knowwhat I refer to. Yes. You mean the fact thatyou've never been baptized.

Yes, I gatheredthat you knew about it from your sermon last Sunday. But let's not get angry. I think somethinghad better be done about it. Yes, Mr. Day? When the doctors get throughup there I want you to talk to Mrs. Day. I want you to tell hersomething. Well, I'd be glad to.

You're just the man to do it. She shouldn't be upsetabout this. I want you to tell herthat my being baptized would just be a lotof confounded nonsense. But, Mr. Day– Oh, she'll take your wordon a thing like that. And we both must do everythingwe can to help her now. But the solution is so simple. It would take only your consentto be baptized.

That's out of the question. And I'm surprisedthat a grown man like you would suggest such a thing. Well, doctor, how is she?What have you decided? Is there a room we could usefor our consultation? – Oh, yes, my library.- Doctor. Dr. Somers,this isn't serious, is it? Uh, after we've hadour consultation we'll talk to you, Mr. Day.

But surely– Rest assured, Dr. Somers will do everythingthat is humanly possible. Uh, we'll try not to be long. Tell me, this Dr., uh, Somers he's very highly thought of,isn't he? Oh, yes. If Vinnie is seriously.. If anyone could help her,he could.

– Don't you think?- Very fine physician. But there is a greater help ever-presentin the hour of need. Let us turn to him in prayer. Let us kneel and pray. Let us kneel and pray. Oh, Lord,look down from heaven. Behold, visit, and relievethis Thy servant who is grieved with sickness.

Have mercy on her, oh, Lord. Have mercyon this miserable sinner. Forgive herand extend Thy accustomed– She's not a miserable sinner,and you know it! Oh, God! You know Vinnieis not a miserable sinner! She's a fine woman! 'She shouldn't bemade to suffer!' It's got to stop, I tell you!It's got to stop! Have mercy, I say!.

Have mercy, I tell you! What's the matter, Clare?What's wrong? Vinnie. Vinnie, what are youdoing down here? You shouldn't be out of bed.You get right back upstairs. I heard you call.Do you need me? Vinnie, I know nowhow much I need you. Get well, Vinnie.I'll be baptized. – I promise I'll be baptized.- You will? – I'll do anything.- Oh, Clare.

We'll go to Europe,just we two. You won't have to worryabout the children or the household accounts or.. Vinnie. Don't worry, Mr. Day.She'll be alright now. Bless youfor what you have done. – What did I do?- You promised to be baptized. I did? Oh, God! – Isn't it drafty here, mother?- Shall I get your coat, mother?.

– The draft— No, thank you. I'm quite comfortable,thank you. Come on now.Let's stay together. Harlan,don't you get lost again. Aren't the hats lovelythis year? Ostrich feathers. You wouldn't wear that hat,would you, mother? Oh, I think that's very pretty. I think they're all pretty.

Oh, I do needsome pink silk thread. Oh, isn't this appliquebeautiful? Just arrived from Paris, madam. It's charming. What are you looking for,mother? Oh, I'm just shopping. I thinkI'll just take a plain one. But this is the very latest. We've only had them ina few days.

Remember, mother,this is your first day out. You mustn't get too tired. No, I'm saving myself, dear. I have to.Cousin Cora's coming tomorrow. She is?Does father know about it? – Not yet.- Is Mary coming too? Yes, dear.Harlan, don't touch things. – I'll bet you knew it.- No, honest, I didn't. – Not tomorrow.- Yes, it is.

'Do we have any moreof this material?' – 'Yes, we do.'- 'Thank you.' 'This oneis genuine imitation Dresden.' 'The original design by Duriet.' John, isn't thisthe darlingest thing? It's exactlywhat I've always wanted. How much is this lovely pug dog? Uh, $15, ma'am. – Fifteen dollars.- Gee whiz, mother.

We can buya real live bloodhound for $5. Oh, isn't he perfectly adorable? Oh, I shouldn't. – I know I shouldn't.- 'Mrs. Day.' Oh, Mrs. Whitehead. How nice to see you.Are you quite recovered? Almost.This is my first day out. We've missed you at the church.You remember Mr. Morley. – How do you do, Mrs. Day?- How do you do?.

Mr. Morley preached the Sunday Dr. Lloyd was ill. Oh, yes. I can't tell youhow much I enjoyed your sermon. Even my husbandenjoyed your sermon. We've just come from the boardmeeting of the foreign missions. I'm taking Mr. Morley hometo lunch. I had to drop in hereto pick up a purchase. I won't be a minute.

– Is your parish in the city?- Yes, it's on the outskirts. My church is in Audubon Park. Oh, way up there. Oh, are you acquaintedin Audubon Park? No, I don't believewe know a soul there. Mr. Morley,would this be possible? Uh, my husband, Mr. Day.. If we lower the collar,it will be a very fine fit. You wouldn't find a better suitof clothes in the city for $15.

Oh, it's not the price.It's the money. Thank you for holding it for me. You're welcome. Goodbye, Mrs. Day.I hope we meet again soon. Goodbye. It was very pleasantmeeting you again. I thinkit was divine providence. I shall be delightedto be of service. – Goodbye, Mr. Morley. Goodbye.- Goodbye. – May I work it?- Oh, no.

It's against the rules. Hello. Oh, what did you bring homemore medicine for? Dr. Bartlett paid us off,didn't he? – Oh, yes.- Oh, Jiminy, you scared me. I've got to take $15right down to McCreery's. I bought a suit therethis morning and I said I'd have the moneythis afternoon. – Gee, that's too bad.- What's too bad?.

– Well, well, you see, Clarence.- What? Dr. Bartlettpaid us off in medicine. Oh, God! Well, he thanked us, too for our services to mankind. But my suit,I've got to have it tomorrow. And besides,they're making the alterations. I've gotta have $15. Maybe you could offer them15 bottles of medicine.

Oh, they wouldn't take it.McCreery's don't sell medicine. Father! Vinnie, I'm home! – Good afternoon, sir.- How's your mother, Clarence? Oh, the ride this morningdid her a lot of good. She'll be well enough to goto church with us next Sunday. Ah, fine. Uh, father, have you noticed I haven't been kneeling downin church lately?.

Don't let your mothercatch you at it. Then I have to have a new suitof clothes right away. That doesn't make sense. I can't do anythingin your clothes that you wouldn't do. Well, if my old clothes make you behave yourself, I don't thinkyou ought to wear anything else. Oh, no, you're you and I'm me.I wanna be myself. I mean, suppose I should wannakneel down in front of a girl.

Why in heaven's name should youwant to do a thing like that? Well, I've got to proposeto a girl sometime. – Clarence.- Oh, not right away. But for $15, I can geta good suit of clothes. Clarence, you're beginningto talk as crazy as your.. Hello, Vinnie. You're feelingbetter today, huh? Much better.Thank you, Clare. You don't have to hurry homefrom the office every day like this.

Uh, with businessthe way it is, there's no use going to the office at all. Yes, you do look better, Vinnie.What did you do today? Well, I got a carriageand took the boys for a ride. And we stopped inat McCreery's, and.. Oh, Clare, I have the mostwonderful news for you. Who do you think I met? Mr. Morley. Morley? Never heard of him?.

Rememberthat nice young minister who substituted for Dr. Lloydone Sunday. Oh, yes.Bright, young fellow. Preached a good sensible sermon.Short one too. Ought to be more ministerslike him. Well, Clare, his parishis in Audubon Park. You know, way up above Harlem. Nobody knows you up there.You'll be perfectly safe. Safe? Vinnie, what the devilare you talking about?.

I've gone all over everythingwith Mr. Morley and he's agreedto baptize you. Oh, he has. The young whippersnapper.Very nice of him. We can go up there any morning. We don't even have to makean appointment. Who said I was goingto be baptized at all? Why, Clare, you did. Now, Vinnie.

You gave me your promise,your sacred promise. You said, “I'll be baptized.I promise I'll be baptized.” Well, what if I did? Clare, aren't you a manof your word? Vinnie, we all thoughtyou were dying. So naturally,I said that to cheer you up. As a matter of fact, the doctortold me that's what cured you. So it seems to mepretty ungrateful of you to press this matterany further.

My being wellhas nothing to do with it. You gave me your word.You gave the Lord your word. And you're going to marchyourself up to Mr. Morley's church some morningbefore you go to the office and be christened.If you think for one minute– What in the name of heavenis that? If you think I'm goingto let you add the sin of breaking your solemnand sacred promise– I demand to knowwhat that repulsive object is?.

It's perfectly plain what it is.It's a pug dog. What is it doing in this house? I wanted it and I bought it. You spent good money for that? Clare, don't tryto change the subject. How much did you payfor that atrocity? I didn't pay anything for it.I charged it. Charged it?I might have known. – How much was it?- Fifteen dollars.

– $15 for that eyesore?- Uh, Clare.. Don't you call this lovelywork of art an eyesore. It will look beautifulsitting on a red cushion by the fireplacein the living room. If that sits in the living room,I won't. Furthermore, I don't even wantit in the same house with me. Get it out of here! Clare.. …you're not goingto get out of this room.

Until you set a datefor your baptism. I'll tell you one thing.I'll never be baptized as long as that hideousmonstrosity is in this house. Alright. Alright! Clarence. That pug doggoes back this afternoon and he's christenedfirst thing in the morning. You heard him,didn't you, Clarence?.

You heard him saythat he'd be baptized as soon as I got this pug dogout of the house. You hurry right backto McCreery's with it and be surethey credit us with $15. Oh, mother,while we were at McCreery's I happened to see a suitI'd like very much and the suit was only $15. Well, Clarence, I'm afraidyour suit will have to wait until afterI get your father christened.

Well, no, I meantthat since the suit cost just the same as the pug dog If I exchanged the pug dogfor the suit.. Why, yes. Then the suit wouldn't costyour father anything. Why, how bright of you,Clarence, to think of that. I'd better start right awaybefore McCreery's closes. Yes. Now let's see. If we're goingto take your father.

All the way to Audubon Park.. Clarence, on your way back,you stop at the livery stable and tell them to have a cab hereat 8 o'clock tomorrow morning. Mother, a cab?Do you think you ought to? We can't walkall the way to Audubon Park. But you know whata cab does to father. This isa very important occasion. – Alright.- Get one of their best cabs. The kind they use at funerals.

Those cost $2 an hour.And if father gets mad– Well, if your fatherstarts to argue in the morning, you remember– Oh, he agreed to it.We both heard him. I hope you notice Clarenceis returning the pug dog. 'Well, that's a sign you'regetting your faculties back.' Don't dawdle, Clarence. Vinnie, it's goodto hear you singing again. Oh, uh, on the way uptown.

I stopped in at Tiffany's and, uh, bought youa little something. Thought you might like it. Clare! What a beautiful ring. Well, I'm gladif it pleases you. Oh, Clare, how sweet of you. I don't know how to thank you. – Mmm.- Ah.

Well, it's thanks enough for me just to have youup and around again. You know,when you're ill, Vinnie this house is like a tomb. There's no excitement. That's the loveliest ring you ever bought me. Now that I have this,you needn't buy me any more rings.

Well,if you don't want any more. What I'd really like nowis a nice diamond necklace. Vinnie, do you know how mucha diamond necklace costs? Yes, I know, Clare.But don't you see? Your giving me this shows I meana little something to you. – Now a diamond necklace— Good heaven. If you don't know by this timehow I feel about you. We've been married for 20 years.

And I've loved youevery minute of it. What did you say, Clare? I said we've been marriedfor 20 years and I've loved youevery minute of it. But if I have to buy outjewelry stores to prove it.. If I haven't shown it to youin my words and actions well, I might as well.. Well, what have I done now? It's alright, Clare.

I'm just so happy. Happy? You said you loved me. And this beautiful ring that's something elseI didn't expect. Oh, Clare, I love surprises. That's another thing I've neverunderstood about you, Vinnie. Now I like to knowwhat to expect. – Then I'm prepared to meet it.- Yes, I know, Clare.

But life would be pretty dull if we always knewwhat was coming. Well, it's certainly not dullaround here. In this house, you never know what's going to hit youtomorrow. Well, then, Harlan, the very.. Who are you?What's your name? – Margaret, sir.- Can't be Margaret. We've got one Margaretin the house.

At home,they call me Maggie, sir. Alright, Maggie. If her name's Margaret,that's a good sign. Maybe she'll stay a while. Do you know, boys,your mother used to be just the same about cooksas she is about maids? Never could keep themfor some reason. Well, one day about, uh,14 years ago.. Yes, it was right afteryou were born, John.

My, you were a homely baby. Thank you, Margaret. – Good morning, boys.- Good morning, mother. – Good morning, Clare.- Morning, Vinnie. Why, you look as thoughyou were dressed for a wedding. – Do I, dear?- 'Yes.' – Have a good night?- Yes, thank you, Clare. Ah, sit down, Vinnie. Sit down, boys.

Oh, thank you, Clarence. Well, seems to me everyone'sall dressed up this morning. What's on the programfor this fine day? Well, uh, this afternoonMay Lewis' mother is giving a party for everyonein May's dancing class. – Harlan's going to that.- I don't want to go, mama. Harlan, don't youwanna go to a party and get ice cream and cake? May Lewisalways tries to kiss me!.

Hmm. When you get a little older,you won't object to girls wanting to kiss you. Will he, Clarence? This is for you, Mr. Day.Where shall I put it? Oh, that's for me, I think.Take it upstairs, Maggie. Wait a minute, Maggie.Bring it here. Let's see it. See, it's for me, father.Clarence Day, Jr. Let me look.Well, that's from McCreery's.

It is marked charged.What is it? Clare, it's alright. It'snothing for you to worry about. Well, at least I think I shouldknow what's being charged to me. – What is it?- Clare, stop your fussing. It's a new suit of clothesfor Clarence and it isn't costing youa penny. It's marked “Charged $15.” It's costing me $15.And I told Clarence– 'Clare, can't you take my word?It isn't costing you a penny.'.

I'd like to have you explainwhy it isn't. Because Clarence tookthe pug dog back and got the suit instead. Of course, and they'll charge me$15 for the suit. Nonsense, Clare,we gave them the pug dog for the suit. Don't you see? Then they'll charge me $15for the pug dog. But, Clare, they can't.We haven't got the pug dog. – We sent that back.- Well..

Hmm? But.. Well, now, wait a minute,Vinnie. The suit.. The.. Well, there's something wrongwith your reasoning. Well, Clare,I'm surprised at you. And you're supposed to beso good at figures. Why, it's perfectly clear to me.

Vinnie, they're going to chargeme for one thing or the other. Don't you let them! Chaa! Well, McCreery'saren't giving away suits and they aren't giving awaypug dogs. Why, it should be clearto a child that if Clarence sentthe pug dog back, they.. Well.. I will not have thatbotanical freak in this room. 'John,have you been going around'.

'this town selling medicine?' – Yes, mother.- Dog medicine? No, mother.Not dog medicine. This letterfrom Mrs. Sprague says you sold hera bottle of this medicine and that her little boygave some of it to their dog and it killed him. Now she wants $10 from usfor a new dog. Here, let me see that letter.

Well, he shouldn't have given itto a dog. It's for humans. Why, it's Bartlett'sBeneficent Balm made from a secret formula. Have you been going aroundamong our friends and neighbors selling some patent nostrum? But it's good medicine, father.I can prove that by mother. Vinnie, what do you knowabout this? Well, nothing, Clare.But I'm sure John– – No, I mean that day mother— That's enough!.

You're going to every housewhere you sold a bottle of that concoctionand buy it all back. But it's a dollar a bottle. I don't care how much it is.Here. I'll give you the money now. – How many bottles did you sell?- One hundred and twenty eight. One hundred and twenty eight? Clare, I always told you John would makea good businessman.

Young man, you'll have tocome down to my office with me. I'll give you the moneyto buy back that medicine. $128, and $10 morefor Mrs. Sprague's dog. That's $138.Thank you, Vinnie. But it's all comingout of your allowance! That means thatyou'll not get another penny until the whole $138 is paid up. I'll be 21 years old! Oh, God!.

What the matter, Clare?What's wrong? Those gypsies are back. Don't anyone answer the door! They're moving in on us again,bag and baggage. I won't have it, I tell you. – I won't have it!- Now, Clare– Don't let them in! 'Clare, hush up.They'll hear you.' 'Tell them to get backin that cab'.

'and drive right on to Ohio.' 'As if we could turnour own relatives away.' They're extravagant enoughto take cabs when horse cars runright by our door. Clare, now you be quietand behave yourself. John,come help with the baggage. Why do they alwayshave to pounce on us without any warning? Shh!.

Cora, Mary. Well, it's so goodto have you back again. How are you, Vinnie?We've been so worried about you. Oh, I'm fine now.Did you have fun in Springfield? – Oh, it was wonderful.- Was it? John, my, you're still growing. – Thank you, Cousin Cora.- John, go get their baggage. – There's Whitney.- Whitney. – How are you, darling?- Fine, thank you.

– And little Harlan.- Hello. – Have you been a good boy?- No. Clare, the girls are here. Cousin Clare, here we are again. My, my, it's so nice to be back. – How do you do, Mr. Day?- How do you do? Come in, sit downand have some breakfast with us. Oh, we had breakfastat the depot. Well, we've practicallyfinished ours.

I haven't finished my breakfast. Well, then sit down, Clare. Come have a cup of coffee,anyway. Mary, sit over there. Cora. – Maggie, clear those places.- My, my, this seems so natural. Clare, don't let your kippersget cold. – Maggie, serve some coffee.- Yes, ma'am. Oh, where's Clarence? Uh, he must be upstairsmoving his things.

So you can have his room again. Oh, oh, Vinnie,we can't stay overnight. Grandpa Evanshas been failing very fast and that's whyI have to hurry back. We're leaving on the 5 o'clocktrain this afternoon. Well, Cora, it certainlyis good to see you again. Well, who can that be? Well, this timeit can't be another special delivery letterfor Clarence.

Uh, while you werein Springfield our postmanwas kept pretty busy. – It's the cab, ma'am.- Cab? What cab? The cab that's to take usto Audubon Park. Oh, who's going to Audubon Park? We all are. Cora, the most wonderful thinghas happened. Clare is going to be baptizedthis morning. Vinnie, what are you saying?.

'I'm saying you're going to bebaptized this morning.' I am not going to be baptized this morningor any other morning! You promised yesterdaythat as soon as I sent that pug dogthat you'd be baptized. I never said anythingremotely like that! Clarence was right thereand heard you. That's why I ordered the cab. The cab.

Vinnie,you send that right back. I'll do nothing of the kind. I'm going to seethat you go to heaven. – I can't go to heaven in a cab.- Oh. Oh! Well, you can start in a cab. I'm not sure they'll everlet you into heaven. But I know they won'tunless you're baptized. They can't keep me out of heavenon a technicality.

Clare, stop quibbling.You may as well face it. You've got to makeyour peace with God. Until you stirred Him up,I had no trouble with God. Harlan, Whitney,come get your Sunday hats. – Clarence, John!- 'Yes, mother?' Hurry, we're ready to go. Oh, my prayer book. Harlan, come let me fixyour tie. Vinnie, are you mad?.

Was it your planthat my own children should witness this indignity? Why, Clare,they'll be proud of you. I supposeHarlan is to be my godfather. Vinnie, I won't go throughwith this thing. That's final. Well, Clare dear,if you feel that way about it– I do! Well, we won't take the childrenwith us. I'm not talkingabout the children.

– I'm ready, mother.- Oh, John. Vinnie, I haven't time foranything like that this morning. I've got to take Johndown to my office with me and give him the moneyto buy back that dog medicine. But it wasn't dog medicine, sir. Young man, we're startingdowntown this minute. You'll do no such thing. You gave me your sacred promisethat day I almost died. Yes, and she would have diedif we hadn't given her.

Some of that medicine.That proves it's good medicine. You gave your mothersome of that dog medicine? – John, you didn't?- Yes, we did, mother. We put some in your teathat morning. Oh, John. Do you realize you might havekilled your mother? You did kill Mrs. Sprague's dog. John, I'll have to giveconsiderable thought as to how you are to be punishedfor this.

– But, Clare— No, Vinnie. When I think of that day, what.. Why, we might have lost you. You're alright now,thank heaven. But what I went throughthat afternoon the way I felt.. Well, I'll never forget it. You've forgotten it already. What do you mean?.

That was the day you gave me your sacred promise. Yes, but I wouldn't havegiven you my promise if I hadn't thoughtyou were dying. And you wouldn't havealmost died if John hadn't given youthat dog medicine. Don't you see? Well,the whole thing is illegal. Suppose I had died. It wouldn't makeany difference to you.

You don't care whetherwe meet in heaven or not. You don't care whether you eversee me and the children again. Oh, Vinnie,you're not being fair to me. It's alright, Clare. If you don't love us enough there's nothingwe can do about it. But that has nothingto do with it. I love my familyas much as any man. All my life, I've struggledand worked just to..

Oh, God, there's that cab. Vinnie, y-you're not well enoughto go all the way to Audubon. Oh, I'm well enough if we ride. But that trip would takeall morning. And those cabs costa dollar an hour. This is one of their best cabs. This costs $2 an hour. Well, then why aren't you ready?Get your hat on! Oh, tarnation!.

Hallelujah! Amen! Young lady,if it hadn't been for you no one would have knownwhether I was baptized or not! Oh, God! Good morning, Mr. Day.Going to the office? No! I'm going to be baptized!

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